Way Down On Ulster Street

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This city desert’s got no soul,

It’s got, so many people but it’s oh so cold,

And it took you so long to find out you were wrong and forget about everything.

The words of a disillusioned man and the immortal Gerry Rafferty’s song Baker Street. I don’t why, but these lyrics have resonated through my head in recent days.

Perhaps it was the recent documentary on him which featured his peculiar brand of viewing the world with a chronically jaundiced eye.

Gerry Rafferty was a Scot and Scots have been headlining it a bit from an Irish perspective. First with Edinburgh playing Ulster and latterly the National team coming to the Aviva with an attitude that was the very antithesis of Rafferty’s downbeat anthems.

At least Edinburgh and their fans were under no illusions about the task that awaited them at Ravenhill and duly lived down to expectation by losing.

By contrast the Scottish national team were talking up their chances for Saturday, with Graeme Morrison and Denton voicing their lack of fear of the Irish. Coach Robinson weighed in with a bit of a mutter in the direction of choke tackles and the referee.

As it was, the positive bubble burst after about ten minutes, when with Ulstermen to the fore, Ireland set about dismantling the blag pipes.

I’m not too sure why teams talk up their chances the way some Scots did, as it seems self defeating. It gives the opposition a motivational flip.

Not since a young Cassius Clay talked himself to victory have many sporting entities, managed to, talk the talk and walk the walk.

Next time, the blagpipers would be better off paying their respects to the opposition and do their talking on the field of play where it really matters, twixt ruck and maul, and scrum and lineout.

The Scots duly suffered in almost all of these areas.

An Affair Affirmed.

The Ed has finally confirmed or should I say fessed up to what we all or at least most of us have suspected for a few months. He is in love with women’s rugby.

Breathed the Ed: “I’m afraid the men’s side will be only a passing interest compared to the girls who play Wales on Saturday afternoon. It’s great seeing rugby as it should be played with the ball doing the work rather than the war of offensive and defensive attrition that the men’s game has become.”

I share your pain Ed, with regard to the men’s game.

How long this affair lasts only time will tell and the Ed knows.

We all await the Ed’s return to his roots and the manly game of bump and grind.

Meanwhile Back at the Second Barrier

Holywood Mike was confirming something we’ve known for awhile and that is, in his own words…

I can report that being sober and listening to Cap’n Grumpy’s banter at the same time for 80+ minutes is a somewhat gruelling experience.

I can, for the avoidance of any doubt, report that normal service will be resumed tonight as a result of which i will probably have to ask Junior tomorrow morning how the game went.

As ever, the Cap’n was waiting like a particularly desperate hermit crab for prey, choosing to reveal the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Crowed Grumpy:

Pi$$ off – you didn’t listen to it for 80+ mins … you left early because even sober you couldn’t remember to bring your match tickets for the Ireland/Italy match and had to go home to get them, ya daft pillock

The sorbet world of the second barrier crew. Thick as thieves and twice as thick as planks.

Close Your Eyes, Lie Back and Dream of Ulster

George Hook gave a tour de force performance at the end of the Ireland match yesterday.

Asked to comment on Rory Best’s performance as captain of the Irish team, George breathed in deeply and spluttered it was a good performance by Best who, according to the testamanic Hook, follows in the footsteps of many great Ulstermen who have captained Ireland.

As he concluded uttering these immortal platitudes, George’s eyes were closed, his head tilted back as though in communion with some dodgey inner demons.

Pope and O’Shea just about contained the laughter whilst McGurk looked on as though witnessing the second coming.

Hook will probably spend the rest of the 6N flagellating himself and rubbishing Ulster and Ulstermen everywhere for uttering such heretical nonsense.

Purple Haze!

Another one time Ulster critic Neil Francis appeared to have been smoking something as he could see the stars for a brief moment in time.

Enthused Neil:

Stephen Ferris confirmed impressions that he is the best back-row player in Europe by a mile. I have to say I worship at his altar.

Whoa big boy, be careful you don’t go so far over the top that you fall down the other side.

Bland Pew Phil Matthews

Philip Matthews is a former Ulster, Ireland and British Lions flanker who was reared in Northern Ireland but since his playing career finished has been domiciled south of the border, having married into Irish rugby aristocracy.

Phil can be heard on the Beeb during the 6N as supporting commentator for Irish matches. His commentary is careful to the point of fetish, not to be seen to be in any way leaning towards his old province.

How chary of Bland Pew Phil. He’s one of a number of exiles who go out of their way to pretend their mother country is but a inconvenient blip on their CV.

Triple AAA

“Ulster take the cheap route in appointing Anscombe”, headlined Peter O’Reilly’s carping Sunday Times piece on the appointment of Mark Anscombe.

Perhaps the headline should have read, Triple AAA – Anscombe Anonymity Assured!

“An underwhelming appointment”, O’Reilly chided.

Agreed, Anscombe is an unknown quantity in a coaching sense which will hopefully keep expectations lower than if say, Nick Mallett had been signed

If even one item of O’Reilly’s doom-mongering comes to fruition I’ll take a pinch of salt rather than throw it over my shoulder as I did when I read his article.

UR PR

Enquired of UR marketing the other week when the URSC members were offered tickets for the Munster QF game and had it appeared on the UR website.

The answer it appears is blowin’ in the windswept reaches of the URSC website and the tickets were offered during the first season ticket window.

I don’t browse the URSC website as to be frank it offers about as much as a second hand bookshop selling comics.

UR of course lost no time the other week sending me e-mails about Tommy coming home (twice) and Mark being anointed.

Of tickets being available there appears to be a black hole in their communications. Could it be that when they have enough takers they aren’t just bothered letting people know.

Must remember that the next time they send me a Johan Muller entreaty to attend a nondescript RABO12 match.


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