New FRU Magazine Will Give Old People Something To Read While Waiting To Die!, claims editor Dewi Barnes.

The tedious pre-death “waiting period” endured by senior citizens will become slightly less boring with the launch of New FRU magazine (still not as funny as it used to be).

“People in this country talk a lot about doing something for the elderly but here at the FRU we are doing something about it. We are tackling head on the two most important issues facing old people today; boredom and the fact that they haven’t died yet.”He added, “The New FRU will have a 32 font format large enough for even the oldest to read. The first issue will also feature very large colour pictures as well as “I can read it all by myself” stories, which contain no big words. There will be features on how pills can be dissolved into custard to make them easier to swallow. There will be interviews with serial bed-wetters and real time trials with incontinence pants. Discussion groups will focus on the things which interest old people the most, such as “bowel movements”, and tips to help remember where they left their teeth/spectacles/hearing aids. For those who have completely lost the will to live and are interested in accelerated euthanasia we will show the last eighteen months of Ulster Rugby’s performances.”


The second issue will feature pictures of a horse and a duck.


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