Christmas is a time of year when many companies carry out the dreaded reviews of Personal Development Plans (PDP’s) or Personal Performance Indicators (PPI’s) as most bosses struggle to wangle the scoring so that their favourites continue to get the bonuses while the rest are left to mutter about backstabbing bastards and injustice.

Oh Christmas! Such a happy time in the corporate world of middle managers promoted just that one step above their ability!

It was also around this time two years ago that our beloved CEO Shane Logan was announced and, using all his experience as a “high flyer” for a well known soft drinks company in Outer Mongolia, it wasn’t long before Logan was outlining his stratospheric vision for a (soon to be?) resurgent Ulster.

Before a shocked world (and just before David Humphreys could drag him off the stage with a big hook) Logan outlined his Vision Statement in a speech of similar lasting import as Martin Luther King’s “I Have A Dream”. The newly appointed CEO, with the rapture of a born again Christian leading a crusade against the heathen hoards, outlined his five year plan for World Domination.

Having been locked away, probably working on his master plan, and only let out for the gentle probing of the URSC committee and the odd spiritual revival in the New Stand over the last two years, Logan hasn’t been able to elucidate further on his vision and this vacuum got us thinking as to what key performance indicators you would use for World Domination and once the indicators are agreed, how far are we on the road to World Domination and from this what is the expected time scale for World Domination to be achieved?

As you would expect, World Domination is a pretty big step so we broke it down into bite size pieces so we could monitor progress effectively giving stages as follows.

  • Stage 1 – Best team in Ireland (60% World Domination in the bag!)
  • Stage 2 – Best team in Italian/Celtic League (65% World Domination in the bag!)
  • Stage 3 – Best team in Europe (80% World Domination in the bag!)
  • Stage 4 – Best team in World (90% World Domination in the bag!)
  • Stage 5 – Stay at Stage 4 for a while. (We are now masters of The World!)

Now, without going into too much detail, over the weekend we carried out a massive root and branch assessment of all aspects of Ulster rugby from the Senior Side through the Ravens to the Age Grade teams, included the performance of Men’s and Women’s sides in AIL and inter-provincial competition and threw that data into our version of the Large Hadron Collider, fired some excited Shane Logan particles into the mix and produced the incredibly accurate World Domination Meter (c) 2010 shown below!

With the Years to Domination Index starting in January 2010 we are now only five years from Completing Stage 1 and Stage 2 and becoming the Best Team in the Celtic League, only two short years after that and we’ll be masters of Europe and by 2012 we should have World Domination, er ,well, conquered!

#SUFTUM