TRIAL BY BJ’s THERMOMETER
Walking to Ravenhill last Friday evening in my shirtsleeves seemed to herald the sort of weather BJ Botha appears to crave. Standing in the shadow of the beer tent 10 minutes later and it was increasingly clear that I would have to wait a while longer for the spring warmth and grass enhancing sunshine.
BJ you will recall in an earlier blog complained in his first season of not receiving a healthy dose of vitamin D, in fact it’s a moot point he received any at all given the lashings of rain that were visited on the current saffies when they first arrived here.
Sun giving Vitamin D wasn’t the issue this time for BJ. Instead Andy Trimble’s alleged assertion that, things were rather humid in Edinburgh at an almighty 12 degrees caused BJ to almost choke on his mercury. One assumes Andy was talking weather and not rugby tactics or referee interpretation,
BJ’s obsession with temperature is rather endearingly old school and somewhat colonial as a kind of modern day version of those chaps in Africa rattling on about the heat. This time it’s BJ far from the African soil and sun and feeling the pinch. Nevertheless we expect to see the great man on these shores at the start of next season in time to welcome his good buddy Johann Muller. Will Johan suffer trial by BJ’s thermometer? Let’s hope Mr. Muller brings some sunshine in his back pocket and spreads a little radiant happiness round the hallowed ground with earth moving performances.
HUGO HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Some radiant happiness will be missing next season when the effervescent Isaac Boss or Hugo as he’s affectionately known, moves on to Dublin.
Isaac has a little lamb, its face is white as snow and everywhere that Isaac goes the lamb is sure to follow.
Well not quite as it appears that Isaac is reaching back to his Kiwi farming roots and practising animal husbandry by keeping a lamb in his back garden on behalf of Rory (Best I assume)! Having seen a pic of the lamb, penned in as it is, by railway sleepers and keeping a watching brief on Nagusa operating a rotivator I have to say things in the Boss kingdom are somewhat more the Shires and Lord of the Rings than County Down.
AN EVENING WITH THE ORIGINAL ONE
One found oneself in the company of the URSC Chairman, Mr. Kimble, standing self-consciously amongst the second barrier crew on Friday evening and dragooned into waving a very large flag that resembled a sail nicked from Ballyholme yacht club. As the match wore on some fans were leaving. It’s difficult to keep some people happy these days, they leave when we’re losing and go early when we’re winning. Nevertheless a small gap opened in the sea of spectators in front of us and a bright shiny galvanised object appeared as though it was the parting of the Red Sea. For a moment Kimble peered at it in metallurgical awe, as if unable to believe his luck before lovingly stroking it.
“The second barrier, he purred as though having a metallic orgasm, “I haven’t seen it in three years”.
“Yes,” I said, rubbing my hands on a very cold piece of steel whilst trying desperately to share the chairman’s enthusiasm for a galvanised safety barrier.
Mr. Kimble was in revealing form, revelling in the warm glow of a new and amiable relationship twixt the URSC and Ulster rugby’s Chief Executive Herr Logler. Perestroika filled the air like wafting perfume, with the chairman revealing the unveiling of the URSC’s player of the year award at some dinner that the riff raff like moi can’t afford to attend.
Herr LOGLER WOULDN’T APPROVE
At a rally of the party faithful recently, Herr Logler, the new man at the head of Ulster Rugby declared that there would henceforth be no more noise made during the taking of penalty kicks at Ravenhill.
“The silence is deafening and definitely intimidating”, thundered Herr Logler to a deafening silence from the assembled throng. They were like kids who are told not to put their hands on a hot plate and experience an unpleasant sensation but do so anyway. So the Ravenhill faithful were particularly uncooperative on Friday as a prolonged buzzing noise that usually indicates a lack of attention in class permeated the night air when the kickers from both sides lined up kicks.
One was drawn into this underworld of inattention when the match drifted into prolonged tedium as Connaught, who had come with the intention of spoiling rather than positive rugby were extinguished and reduced to defensive mediocrity. Even as the players toiled on the field so I was caught up in a conversation on the history of Papillon. Cap’n Grumpy it turns out is a fan of the book and revealed the film as usual doesn’t stick strictly to the written version. Papillon became the subject of academic discussion when I casually mentioned that Simon Danielli replete with new crew cut and beard, looked like an extra from the film Papillon. Kimble was suitably aghast at this lack of attention and scolded volubly.
Herr Logler would not have approved!
THE STRANGE CASE OF THE INVISIBLE PROP
Sherlock himself would surely approve but were on earth has Tom Court gone? Yes we all know he’s here but it looks like he’s Tom ‘Lucky Lucan’ Court as far as the Irish prop debate goes in the Irish media. The Heineken Semi finals had Irish Scrum Doctors almost everywhere reaching for their version of swine flu tablets to stem reversing Irish scrum fever. The wailing and gnashing of teeth amongst the Irish rugby writers as Munster, Leinster and Connaught scrums were stuck in reverse gear most of the weekend was palpable. Ironically as epitomised by one agin the head on Friday night, the Ulster scrum is in rude health, ably led by BJ Botha but assisted by Tom Court. Now even Mike Ross the 3rd choice Leinster prop is being touted in the Irish press as going to New Zealand for the June tour.
TC though is the invisible man of Irish prop forwards, I’ve struggled to see his name mentioned and can’t find it written anywhere. Looks as though this June we will have to watch Cian ‘I’m a back row forward’ Healy and Tony ‘perma tan’ Buckley go through the motions of pretending to be props.
I recall the late Jim Davidson commenting on the arrival of Fijian prop Big Joe in a Heineken match in Bourgoin for Ulster.
“This man,” intoned Davidson at half time, “has been brought halfway round the world to scrummage!” Clearly Joe was not doing what his CV had said it would and though it was a little unfair of JD given the bloke had come from sunny Fiji to sub zero Bourgoin, it nevertheless sums up the primary traditional role in rugby for a front row man – scrummaging!
BLAZERAMA, BLAZERDRAMA
My article on what the URSC have ever done for us in last week’s blog started a blaze of sorts when HRH RR decided to indulge in a little arson by putting torch to paper and demolishing entente cordiale with the URSC. The hire Brigade, in the shape of John E King, arrived and preceded to use rocket fuel to put the fire out. Enter stage left Gary Grousebeater with a mission to tell all and sundry that he didn’t start the blaze and promptly fell foul of Sheriff Dewi who give him a number 2 haircut and precipitated the withdrawal of GG from the FRU website. Just another day in the life of the FRU family.
PAN THE FAN
Fan in the spotlight this week is Glynncommando.
A couple of things you may or may not know about GC.
The name Glynncommando derives from: Glynn and Commando
Glynn – a suburb of Larne featuring a couple of cottages, a rugby club and a couple of very sharp bends. (At least that’s how it looked the last time i passed through it!)
commando – As in going ‘commando’ with no underpants! Or…
Commando – unit of special service brigade!
‘Commando’ or ‘commando’ which is it? – you decide!
ITALIAN TOUR GOES DUTCH!
The cycling season’s upon me and I’m glued to the screen, though I found the Italian version of the Le Tour De France coming live from Holland a rather odd experience except it would seem to have been a masterstroke on the part of the marking department given the crowds that the lined the route of the 3 stages. It was though marred by spectacular peleton crashes and it’s a tribute to the physical and mental toughness of these professional cyclists that they get back on the bike and back into the race. Highlights for me are the Columbia train which pedals into action near the finish to give their sprinters a boost to the line.
British sprint star Cavendish, whose season has been dogged by bad luck, continued poor form when having sprinted to the stage win in the tour of Romandie gave his critics the two fingers when he crossed the finish line, his team colours in full glare of the media spotlight. Cavendish was fined, pulled out of the race and apologised profusely if belatedly. He’s young, brash and confident and sometimes young stars have to grow up quickly in the media spotlight as some of our own rugby superstars have found out.
Corrections, comments or questions?