Thanks to our in-depth investigations the FRU can x-clusively reveal that Declan Kidney has taken the x-traordinary step of cloning Ronan O’Gara for the 2011 World Cup.
Worried that O’Gara is in melt down since his catastrophic Lion’s tour, Kidney has finally decided that the time was right to reveal the clones to an astonished Irish rugby public.
The clones are currently being groomed for stardom by Irish Rugby fanatic Louis Walsh and it is thought his expert handling of the boys has taught the clones to cope with the inevitable media pressure, something that cell donor O’Gara could never do!
Forced to come clean Kidney told the FRU
“ We done this here for the good of Irish Rugby as part of our three year master plan to win the World Cup in 2011.
We thought we’d start with Ronan as no one would be too upset if anything went wrong with the clones and they would be easy enough to get rid off.
Now it’s a success we’ve been cloning all the key players during their enforced rest periods and come 2011 we’ll have an unrivalled squad of 120 players to choose from.
In fact thanks to our accelerated growth programme we hope to have the exact same side in each of the Provinces next season and we plan to showcase them at the opening of the Aviva stadium in August. The Magners League are happy as we’ll have our big name players available for all matches and sometimes they’ll even be playing against themselves. ”
However one disgruntled Ulster fan was not happy with this latest development claiming that it will spoil his match day experience at Ravenhill in the seasons to come. Spokesman for the Second Barrier Crew Captain Grumpy stated,
“We’ve always been able to sing “There’s only one F in Ferris” but come next season we won’t be able to and singing “There’s only four F in Ferris’s” just won’t work.
Maybe they should clone Kimble and we could all take one home after the game! Nice!!”
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