Ever since Ulster Rugby started their Agony Uncle piece by skills coach Neil Doak The FRU have been inundated by questions from our regular readers.
After a bit of a laugh at the sorry plight of some, we passed the letters on to Raging Raven who has finally got back to us with his considered replies!
Dear FRU,
Having moved to Belfast from Fiji I find it difficult to cope with the cold wet weather, and the winters are bad as well. Have you any tips to help me cope with the Ravenhill nights?
Jim.
The Raven Replies! When it gets too cold I suggest that you walk slowly past the Ulster dugout with your hands in your pocket looking completely disinterested. The resultant blast of hot air should keep you toasty for at least 10 minutes.
Dear FRU,
Ever since watching Talladega Nights a couple of years ago my team mate shouts “Shake n Bake” every time he skins an opponent. While it was funny at first it’s now becoming annoying. What should I do?
Darren.
The Raven Replies! I agree that this has to stop. Not only is it another annoying Americanism slipping into our game but it is probably the main reason why Paddy got smacked on the head so often last season.
I suggest that you and Paddy concentrate on promoting good old Ulster fare as you scythe through opposing midfields next season. Sayings like “Bacon Soda”, “Sausage n Champ”, or “Wheaten Bread” should do nicely. Maybe you could negotiate a sponsorship deal with Ormo or Paul Rankin?
Dear FRU,
After leading Ulster to glory at Thomond Park last season I was surprised to find a few weeks later that I was dropped and accused of not being able to tackle. No other Irish out half can tackle so why am I being victimised?
Ian.
The Raven Replies! In order to address this issue you should take advice from Ronan O’Gara rather than from your mercurial brother. Neither of them could, or can, tackle but, where your brother would accept the blame, O’Gara jumps up and points the finger at the defensive wing forward, the inside centre or covering winger or even all three.
So next time someone steamrollers you jump up, point the finger and in next to no time you’ll be playing for Ireland. (I suggest you only point at Stevie Ferris if he’s looking the other way!)
Do you have a critical question to improve your game? You too can ask the Raven using the comments section below!
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2 Responses to “The Raven Replies!”
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Why should PW get sponsorship from Ian Rankin??? When I left to live under the Hammer and Sickle, that Mr Rankin was a novelist of some note…..have things changed? Very strange….
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Of course Mr Grousebeater it should have been our beloved Paul Rankin – purveyor of many fine foods! The Raven has let his standards slip.
Being a big Rebus fan myself I’m disappointed that this slipped through the editorial net.
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