Welcome to the negativity blog, the epoch that epitomises the best in negativity, where nary a word of positivity is heard and the outlook is cloudy all day
RO’G takes killjoy of the series a week early for his part in the Lions downfall. Housewives everywhere will be delighted with the Cork bottler and I don’t mean by his pale blue eyes and ruddy country boy cheeks but because their men folk will probably cut their rugby tours to Bokkeland short as the 3rd test is now nothing to play for but pride. As the final whistle blew, RO’G looked like a horse that had hit its nose on the trough. When he waddled his way out of the 22 in the dying minute I had a premonition of sorts. I felt he had wanted to show the world why he should have been selected to play from the start. Unfortunately with his typical can’t be arsed attitude he gifted the Boks the series and demonstrated why he should never be let near a test match again. He is my Lions ‘Mowgli’ of the series!
History will not recall his Heineken Cup and Grand Slam medals but rather his act of petulance that cost the Lions a potential series.
Dewi’s diary all the way from Cape Town, Durban, Port Elizabeth and the bush has been a good read… Enough of this complimentary stuff, he seems to have slipped home, wisely it must be said, before the Lions derailed on the high veldt and is probably glad he didn’t book a room for the 3rd and now stripped of all meaningfulness, 3rd test!
Reading the radar before the 3rd test I see Ronan has slipped off it completely with James Hook replacing him as end of match boy on hand to make a pig’s ass of things or gain the undying glory of actually winning a match against the Boks. Luke Fitzgerald’s star briefly glowed last Saturday but he too has been consigned to the also rans to allow Ugo another chance at redemption.
One spectacular tackle on a rampaging prop aside, Monye was the beneficiary of much of Tommy Bowe’s creativity in midfield. Ugo was shown to be the right modern pro when he carried the ball in his right arm on the left touchline. He was (Ugo that is), much the master of his own downfall and almost certainly contributed greatly to the Lions 1st test loss. The sight of Ugo’s lack of basic skills, resonates like a table tennis ball in empty bathroom. Brian O’Driscoll showed it old school in the 1st test as he set up the first try, when he drew his man to the right before passing left, a master class in economy of passing and epitomising all that is brill about the basics. He contrasted sharply with the unfortunate Ugo
Speaking of redemption to the power of 3, I see Shane ‘player of world rugby last year’ Williams gets yet another chance, yawn! This has been an unseemly feature of this tour with underperformers like Williams getting way too many chances and others being made to work unduly hard in unfavourable circumstances just to be able to prove to coaches that they might be good enough. Last week the coaches fixation predetermined opinon with Shane baby almost certainly helped blow their chances in the 2nd test because in order to accommodate the wing they didn’t have proper centre cover on the bench.
Redemption song part 3 continues this week with Phil ‘the ragin’ Bull’ Vickery getting his chance to stick it up the Beast. He’s like the lumberjack in the lumberjack song:
He props up scrums, he gripes and grumps
He likes to press wildflowers
He puts on tighthead’s clothing
And hangs around in rucks.
Well to be fair he might also be the recipient of the ‘always look on the bright side of life’ award with this memorable quote:
“when your mum, your wife and your sister text you to say they still love you, you know things haven’t gone too well”
You can say that again Phil, “when your mum…” “Oh alright once is enough!”
As I read the Guardian these days and BBC Sport on the net in addition to watching SKY it is of course hard to escape the rather rancid conclusion that little exists outside little England, Tim Payne, Ugo Monye, Lee Mears, Phil Vickery and of course yer man loitering at the side of the ruck, Simon Shaw. Actually this week’s test team smacks of having been selected by the SKY production crew but then again the Springboks are doing their dammnest to give them every chance at winning a game by selecting Peter ‘its rugby not ballet’ De Villiers as their team manager.
I do have some sympathy and time for Lee Mears though. He seems a thoroughly down to earth fellow and that is where he is after the 1st test due to his lack of physicality. Disappointing as his apparent loss of physicality was, his throwing-in looked top notch until he got outed for lack of stature in the front row mayhem of the 1st test.
Not a good series for the vertically challenged rugby player!
Shaw in point of fact had a good game in the 2nd test but the English media, desperate for something tangibly Engerlish, latched on to his performance like it was an interplanetary discovery of the most astounding kind. Led by chief twitter, Stephen Jones, (no not the one who runs like he has a refrigerator on his back), but the Sunday Times ever more bombastic and egocentric rugby correspondent. Simon Shaw boomed the buffoon Jones,
‘ involved in everything. Magnificent, can’t give a forward full marks. Watch me!‘ 10/10
What a wind up he is, did Simon not give away the odd penalty Stephen? The puffed up Jones gave Schalk Burger 0/10, said Croft faced down Bakkies Botha!!, …gave O’Driscoll 7/10 and then went on to say:
‘ his departure signalled panic as his experience was badly missed!!’
Em, would have thought someone that badly missed merited more than a mere 7! Jonesy noted that Spies could be kept quiet whilst awarding Heaslip 6/10 for, err, keeping Spies quiet. I would suggest the Tri Nations will show what a good job Heaslip performed.
Jones needs to be put out to grass and tethered to a post so that he can’t sneak back to his keyboard.
Sweet ironies abounded last week as I watched ‘The Invincibles’ of 1974 and a young radical of the same era, Peter Hain take on the pragmatism and conservative values of Ulster when he confronted Lions captain Willie John McBride in his hotel prior to embarking on the triumphant lions tour of 74. It had been, the present day Hain admitted, a one way ‘exchange’ of views back then, whilst the present day Willie John recounted that he’d said he was going to SA and that was that. The irony is not lost, that as a recent secretary of state for Northern Ireland, Hain must have encountered numerous bluff Ulstermen of the Willie John calibre, no doubt reminding him of his days of youth and revolutionary spit.
Ulster rugby finally got their diminutive act together whilst Dewi was in the bush and announc
ed Mark McCall Mark 2 to head their wilting credibility as human resourcers extraordinaire, with a CV in coaches longer than a Trans Canadian goods train. Find it hard to rise above the underwhelmed with this appointment. A colleague in work mentioned he had been there and done that, (McLaughlin I mean). I paused, as though stuck in my Doctor Who telephone box as he added, “at Ballynahinch!”
“Really!” I said, “so had McCall and look what happened to him.”
At least Buzz has coaching credibility. Doaky remains as skills coach, backs coach, intemperate raconteur at the side of the pitch, teamaker and Humph is elevated to the dark lord.
The new coach has moved swiftly to envelope himself in UR’s PR speak with a message to the supporters.
“and we are all working really hard. The effort from the management and the players has been very impressive; we have all made a great positive start together, and are all gelling well, including our new players.”
One loses patience with these sort of standard pro forma comments such as ‘we are all working great and gelling as a team,’ blah, blah, blah!
You might ask what else do you want him to say?
Well perhaps better say nothing than come out with bland statements about the team gelling. For one thing a lot of these guys have been together awhile now, like a couple of seasons so the gelling effect must be wearing off by now except on their quiffs.
By the way I assume BJ is back training rather than still on holiday in SA!!!!
Mention of BJ reminded me that the great man had been back to the motherland and enjoyed the Saffie sun, recounting last February how he’d driven around with his windie down and relaxed at the pool in the sunshine as opposed to braving hurricane type winds and driving rain in Belfast. Well sweet ironies of ironies, judging by the wet night at Newlands. BJ must be feeling like he’s almost back in the motherland as he conditions with Ulster in temperatures in the mid 20’s. No doubt he’ll have the windie down past Forestside and the braai sizzling, although I imagine he doesn’t have the pool to jump into over here. (Except at the Robinson Centre!). Nevertheless Robbie and BJ should be more at home in past few week’s temperatures than they were earlier in the year.
I have been warned and got away with a yellow card from the Ed for being negative but really it should have been a red. The IRB (Internet Regulation of Bloggers) stipulate a minimum ban of 12 weeks for negativity but aside from missing the start of the Tri Nations and Ulster’s pre season it looks like my 8 weeks will see me blog from early in the new season. Well call me Schalke if you like but I think I got off lightly, in fact the citing officer said I had,
‘been found guilty of committing an act contrary to good blogmanship.’
That’s not so bad is it? Doesn’t sound like I’ve gouged anyone for gawds sake!!
A Mr. T Howe writing in his weekly column in the Belfast Telegraph was a little less gentle on me:
‘For the good of the blog, the IRB must now take immediate and considerable action. It is time to clamp down properly on one of the dirtiest and detestable blogging behaviours. A policy of zero tolerance is required with proper sanctions such as a minimum one year ban and, most importantly, if the message is to be clear, consistency across the blogging community.’
Well there you have it, felt like almost another ordinary week at the office.
Have a good hollerday everyone and as BJ might say through the open windie of his 4 x 4, chat soon!! I will be back next week with an update on some domestic news such as the arrival of Spaniards at our homestead to take part in a UR summer camp!!!!!
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