The dogs have been barking on the streets from Larne to Armagh, Bangor to Helen’s Bay and they are telling us that Ulster Rugby are going to unveil a new tri-Humphate in charge of all things rugby. The team, that will be called the “Holy Trinity” in years to come, will consist of The Father – David Humphreys, The Son – Jeremy Davidson and The Other One – Neil Doak.
This may appear to be a low cost option for Ulster Rugby, but the FRU are happy to predict that it wont be a case of sack cloth and ashes next season as this will be the team that will resurrect Ulster’s fortunes and see them re-born as a European powerhouse in the Rugby World and soon everyone will be singing their praises. Hallelujah!
However, will the prayers of the fans be answered with this selection? Some pagans over on the UAFC have been calling for false prophets from foreign lands to guide the “Lost Tribe” to glory but it is believed that these doubters will be turned to stone and placed in the new bar as decorative coat stands once they look upon the reverential rugby played next season. Rumours that one or two will be stoned at half time of the opening game of the season are not believed to be true, it is thought instead that they will be thrown to the Lion and Ferris will give them a good hammering!
So who are these saviours of Ulster Rugby? Read our pen pics for more details!
Director of Rugby – David Humphreys. Also known as God, Sir David, Lord Humphreys, the best out half never to play for the Lions, the greatest Ulster player of the professional era and the Irish out half that everyone likes. The Humph is quite simply one of the most respected Ulster players of all time. An exciting “flair player” who guided Ulster to European glory in 1999. Worshiped by the fans and renowned for his honesty and integrity, his miraculous deeds, such as turning a chip into a try, and his frequent conversions, it is thought that this successful businessman has the required respect and admiration in the rugby world to attract top class disciples to Ravenhill.
Head Coach – Jeremy Davidson. Also known as The Prodigal Son, Buzz Lightyear, Jezza. Buzz has been preaching the gospel of Ulster Rugby abroad for many years following in the footsteps of “Fitzy the Baptist” to covert heathens in the land of the Gauls. Remembered for his missionary work in South Africa in 1997 and having captained Ulster and, our overseas mission for the “confused nationality” London Irish, it is prophesised that the time is right for Jezza to become the main preacher.
Backs Coach – Neil Doak. Also known as The Other One, Potty Mouth and Doaky. The up and coming young disciple in Ulster Rugby. A bit rough round the edges but does preach an exciting attacking game for Ulster. Genuinely well respected by the current squad, he has made great strides in guiding the young players, like Cave and Whitten, along the chosen path for redemption and selection!
Praise be!
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