Our part time futurologist Mystic Keg has peered into the future to see what is in store for Ulster, Ireland and their supporters over the next twelve months.
Here are his top ten predictions.
1. Ulster get the new year off to a great start with record wins over Munster and Stade Francais. Ian Humphreys is selected for Ireland after completely outplaying Ronan O’Gara.
2. Ronan O’Gara sensationally quits rugby and signs as kicker for San Diego Cheese Heads after Humphreys keeps him on the bench for the duration of the Six Nations.
3. Ulster Rugby name the terrace in front of their new stand "The Original Kimble Terrace" after Kimble is voted Chairman of the URSC for the fifth time. The new toilets round the back are named "The White Knight of the Weld Suite".
4. There is chaos at Munster’s European Cup Quarter Final as three bandwagons of bespoke "Tinkerware" clothing spontaneously ignite following their 33 – 0 defeat.
5. It’s a time for celebration for the Derg family as his son marries his wife’s sister. The exclusive reception, at Omagh’s KFC, is spoiled when 25 invited Texel sheep stampede.
6. Following a successful operation Ulster’s bon viveur, Stately Homes, applies to join The Kukri All Starzz!
7. Gerry O is appointed "How to Hold the Ball Properly" Coach by Ulster Rugby. Ulster subsequently win the Magners League going twelve games unbeaten.
8. Ian Humphreys, Darren Cave and Stephen Ferris star for the Lions as they win the series against South Africa 3 – 0.
9. Ulster are placed in the Group of Great Trips as they draw Biarritz, Bath and Treviso in the Heineken Cup.
10. Neil F and finally finishes his Magus Opus "4002 Uninteresting Facts".
So it looks like an eventful year all told. Can’t wait for the wedding in Omagh – I love chicken wings!
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