Vacancies at The FRU. (Ulster Rugby’s Traditional Favourite Since 2008)

BENT REPORTER

We have a vacancy for a bent reporter. Must be intensely disliked. We are looking for someone who doesn’t do things by the book. You will preferably be motivated by greed, power, and money and be an excellent team traitor. Must be able to dish the dirt consistently.

TEMPORARY FULL- TIME OFFICE BOY

6 month appointment to cover long-term illness. Anyone that feels the need to entertain staff by swallowing 100 staples at once need not apply. (Get well soon, Colzo, from all at the office.)

EXPERIENCED BEER DEMONSTRATOR

We have a vacancy for a beer demonstrator at the popular end of the beer tent in Ravenhill Rugby Ground. You will be between 40 and 65 years of age and covered in dribble. Slumping, sleeping, swearing, stealing other punter’s drinks and vomiting will be just part of your job, which will also include some urinating against the back wall of the beer tent. Good interpersonal skills a must.

PART-TIME EVENING CLEANER

Person required to partially clean office. £4.50/hr plus keep what you find! 7pm-9pm. Don’t touch Dewi’s drawer.

BAD LANGUAGE ASSISTANT

We are looking for a bad language assistant to interpret Second Barrier Crew chants and slogans. Applicants must have 3 years minimum experience as sailor, docker, or squaddie. Salary negotiable depending on pay.