In a blatant attempt to curry favour with the real power brokers of Ulster Rugby the URSC decided to sponsor a Gala Dinner for the ‘Old Farts’. A sumptuous ten course meal was prepared and served by committee members of the URSC.
President Kimble said, “Everyone enjoyed the first course but most of them were full after the tomato soup and bread rolls, so we binned the rest”.
The ‘Silly Hat’ competition was won by The General, wearing his usual millinery, and who didn’t even realise that he had entered the competition.His prize was a pair of matching turnips.
The competition for ‘Part of the Body Most Resembling a Vegetable’ was won by Digby Redface (Malone) with his cauliflower ear, and runner up was Ernie Swindle (Ballynahinch) with a body part which resembled an unwashed carrot. First prize was a Boots voucher for 99p’s worth of Paracodol, which Digby later sold on e-bay for £1.
A sour note was struck when it emerged that Hugh Mossbottom (Inst) had poured the left over gravy into his shopping trolley and made a beeline for the M1. He was apprehended by the PSNI sitting at 40 mph in the outside lane approaching Sprucefield with his indicator on constant.
The evening ended with a sing song which consisted of every track of ‘Bat Out of Hell’ by Meatloaf. Apparently some idiot had left the lyric sheet on the medicine trolley at the Day Care Centre. Unbearable!
Afterwards President Kimble thanked everyone who had contributed to an evening which he described as a ‘magnificent failure’.
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