Deputy Chief Planning Officer, Philip E. Dodge, today responded to criticism of his rejection of the Fortress Ravenhill planning application. (See latest edition of Ravenhill rugby balls). Wailed Mr. Dodge, “I’ve never had to deal with a planning application for turning a sports ground into a fortress.
“Nevertheless,” he continued stoically, “we look at every application on its merits and could find absolutely no evidence that Ravenhill is a fortress.”
“Over the last 3 years they have lost as many battles as they’ve won there. In King Solomons times, maybe, but not now,” declared Phil displaying a depth of knowledge not hitherto obvious.
Speaking exclusively in a long range interview from his rented beach house in Marbella, where he claimed he was ‘getting his head peace’, Phil revealed exclusively that he would support, despite UR’s objections, the listing by EHS of the Beer Tent, Burger Vans and in addition to that, the Scoop Bar, its toilets and the old house at Ravenhill as objects of historical sporting significance.
Phil declared he was unmoved by claims that a museum in a renovated Scoop Bar would be seen as a shrine to rugby violence, with pictures of Willie John McBride and the Lions Tour to South Africa being looked at longingly by rugby fans jaundiced by the current PC ‘policing’ of the game by the IRB. Nor would he accept that the old house was employing modern methods that belied its aging exterior.
He explained that these artefacts would have to remain at Ravenhill and be integrated into the redevelopment of the old ground.
“Yes, I know its awkward preserving a beer tent,” muttered Phil, “but there are very few of them left in the world of sport these days and it must be preserved as an anachronism of the weird and wonderful past of Ulster rugby!”
“I’m prepared to negotiate with UR. My door is always open,” declared Mr. Dodge. “Though not to that 2nd barrier lot,” he added darkly.
Phil explained that a small crowd of mainly overweight middle aged men and a few youngsters, all wearing Ulster rugby tops, had turned up outside his offices.
“They planted a small barrier on the disabled parking space and unfurled a few flags, including a rather weird one with a rising sun on it. They spent a full 80 minutes there, singing 60′s protest songs like ‘we shall overcome’ and chanting, ‘who are you?, who are you’.” Continued Phil in exasperated tones.
“All the time waving their flags and this big banner which read:
‘PLANNERS PLAN 2 BAN 2BC BANNERS. LIST THE 2nd BARRIER NOW!’
“It was really the banner that got on my t*t,” said Phil angrily, “I couldn’t see me Jag for a full 80 minutes.”
“I will definitely not be listing the 2nd barrier for posterity after that nonsense. How anyone could stick that at a rugby match for 80 minutes, I DO NOT KNOW!!!!,” stormed Mr. Dodge before hanging up.
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