ULSTER FAN GAZ TO WED RUSSIAN POT SHUTTER
The FRU would like to extend congratulations to our esteemed member Gaz who recently announced his intentions to wed a Russian lady, Tattianna, from Odessa. After a short introduction, and a brief exchange of DNA, Gaz was invited to Odessa to partake in the Ukrainian Broth Betrothal Ceremony.

This ceremony precedes the wedding and consists of a large pot filled with 5 gallons of water, two stones, and a carrot, and is deemed to be the wedding feast. The mixture is boiled until the stones are tender and is then sieved through a muslin cloth. The two stones and the carrot are cooled and held over to make the next pot of broth. For everyday’ run of the mill’ soup the carrot is omitted. The mixture is carefully poured into minature bowls the size of eggcups and various protocols are observed as the famished guests slowly sip from their bowls. Unfortunately Gaz broke a major protocol when he had the audacity to ask for a second bowl at which Tattianna slammed the lid back on the pot shouting ‘Niet’ and began screaming and kicking her legs in the air. After Gaz talked her down off the window ledge everyone agreed that they will make a very fine couple.

The Grousebeaters intend to club together to buy the happy couple a packet of Knorr Chicken Stock cubes as a wedding present.

ALTHOUGH HEINEKEN CUP AND MAGNERS LEAGUE ARE IMPORTANT, ESTABLISHING CORRECT BUFFET PROCEDURE WILL BE THE PRIORITY FOR NEXT SEASON, SAYS ULSTER CEO!
In an exclusive interview given to the FRU, Ulster CEO Mike Reid outlined the priorities for Ulster Rugby in the next season. Although it is felt that the squad are still short of a few major signings, and the Heineken Cup and Magners League are important, Reid believes that establishing the buffet procedure in the new restaurant on the old terrrace would be the main priority next season.

CEO Reid who lists his pet hates as broccoli, fan refunds, and customer confusion at buffets (though not necessarily in that order) is adamant that customers to the new buffet will have to wait to be seated. Trays will be available at both ends of the buffet counter, and buffet tickets will also be available to purchase through SS Moores.

Reid said that he hoped to set up a ‘working party’ to examine the whole buffet process. The applicants to the working party ideally should have some connection to a rugby club such as Malone or Ballynahinch. No knowledge of anything remotely related to buffets is desirable though a broken nose or cauliflower ear will be accepted as evidence that rugby was played at a competitive level.

Although the CEO’s priorities may upset some Ulster Rugby supporters Reid has something of a track record of upsetting people. Appearing as a guest speaker at a recent meeting of the Ulster Canine Club, Reid said “Remember folks, in Korea a dog is not just for Christmas, but can be for lunch, dinner, and supper as well !”

#SUFTUM